Confidence Building and Self Esteem

Career Coaching

Did you know two out of three people have low self esteem?  It may not show on the outside, but can affect the way they live their lives, their relationships, their work and success.

How do you know when someone has a high level of confidence and self esteem?

Here are some signs:

  • Positive attitude

  • Value themselves highly

  • Confident in their own ability and beliefs

  • In control of their lives

  • They have a feeling of empowerment

  • An energy that enables them to think of ideas and do what they want

  • A basic feeling of ‘I’m ok’ – to be deserving, attractive enough to appeal to others.

  • At ease in being themselves.


Being confident can help us to reach our full potential.

 

Lack of self esteem

Have you ever thought about why people lack self esteem - it could start from the home environment, or school -

•    Low parental self esteem
•    School climate – bad experiences at school, peer group etc.
•    Difficult experiences.

Lack of self esteem can result in people turning to destructive behavior, alcohol dependency, violence and crime.

What does confidence mean to you?

 
Perhaps you see someone who is really confident who draws people to them like moths to a flame, or it might be about power and self assurance, or a strong sense of inner security.

Have you ever said to yourself if  “I’m too confident no-one will like me because I’ll be full of myself”?  It is not about arrogance or being aggressive or self centred.

If we lack confidence or have a low level of self esteem, it can affect all areas of our lives and the decisions we make e.g.  making a career change, making other changes in our lives, having to do something that we don’t normally do.

If we have high self esteem and are in control of what we do, it helps when we get rejections or disappointments in life.  If we develop a healthy self belief, the fear, nerves or low esteem which can be holding you back can be overcome.  Your true self can then shine through.

Who do you admire and think has self confidence and why?  It could be someone you know in your life or a celebrity you look up to?


Super confidence building tips:


Close your eyes for 5 minutes and think about when you last felt confident about something you had done or achieved.  How did that feel.  Now think of something you are not so confident about that would take you out of your comfort zone.

Create a clear picture in your mind about being confident and getting a positive response or result and then go for that interview, try something new, tackle that difficult phone call, using the power of your mind.

Confidence building tips:


•    Use positive words that reinforce confidence rather than undermine.
•    Mentally prepare yourself, and think you are confident.
•    Stand and act as if you ARE confident – see the difference.  
•    Imagine how a confident person would handle a difficult situation.
•    Study confident people you admire and look to see what they do and start to act like them.
•    You may have a certain item of clothing that makes you feel confident – like putting a smart jacket on to make you feel more official.
•    Try smiling into the telephone when making that difficult call, it’s amazing how this could change results.

Self esteem tips


•    Treat yourself as if you were your own best friend.  Be kind to yourself with your words and actions.
•    Focus on the positive things about yourself
•    Praise yourself many times a day
•    Accept the compliments of others

How would you build up your confidence?:


•    Seek uplifting experiences to make you feel good.
•    Create a fulfilling lifestyle.
•    Play regularly to recharge your batteries – not all work
•    Plenty of relaxation – de-stress.  Meditation can help.

If the last thing you hear before you go to bed is bad news, this is bound to play on your mind, so don’t seek out negative things before going to sleep. 

 

  • Try to focus on good and positive aspects of your day.
  • Look at what is good in your life and be happy about it.
  • Be more cheerful in yourself – smile.

If something happens in your life that’s negative, learn from it and don’t dwell on negative things.

If you don’t make any changes in life, nothing will change.


Take yourself beyond your comfort zone.  You may think of yourself in a rut and be unclear how to get out of it.  You may say – I’d like to do that but ‘I would be out of my comfort zone’.  What would happen if you did X, what’s the worse that could happen?  You could try this out by doing something small, taking a small risk.  E.g. going somewhere on your own or trying something you haven’t done before.

If you try something new and it went ok, that now falls into your ‘comfort zone’ whereas before you were uncomfortable about doing this and it did not seem possible.  If you expand your experiences, this will increase confidence.  You need to revisit this regularly to keep your confidence high.

Create a balance in your life between work, fitness, personal growth, family and friends.  If you just focus on health and fitness and your career, it would seem devastating if you then lost your job and broke your arm at the same time.  Your confidence would soon disappear if you only had these things in your life.  Whereas, if you had a lot of friends to support you, an absorbing hobby or something new to learn you would have something else to build on.  

IF YOU STOP PUSHING OUT INTO THE WORLD AND EXTENDING YOUR COMFORT ZONE, YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND CONFIDENCE CAN GO DOWN.


It helps if you continue to be curious, think like a child would learn new things.  Maybe look at actions you are taking now, and think of doing them in a new way, make it different.  If you don’t change anything, you will still feel the same or stuck.  

So remember, keep a positive mental attitude and don’t focus on negative things, think about the positive things in your day and stay relaxed.  Have lots of activities and variation in our life to create a work life balance, and extend your comfort zone regularly to make changes and stretch yourself – this will increase your confidence.  Think of someone you admire, what makes them so confident and self assured.  Study them, and copy their behavior.  

If you do this, you should find your confidence increases.

Gill Tate
Careers Coach
Striding Out